Ok, so a day after I wrote the last post, I was in the elevator alone, and as the doors began to close, I heard footsteps (on the carpet, mind you...I am GOOD).  I stuck my arm in the pathway of the invisible magic sensor (which I'm sure doesn't exist), and on stepped a sharply dressed bald African American man (why am I still uncomfortable with that phrase?  What if he's of Jamaican descent, or Belizean?  I digress....

He gets on and thanks me profusely (and almost inappropriately) for holding the door.  I said, "wow, you sound like a guy who's had a few elevator doors slam on him".  He launches into a story of how when he first entered the work world, he used to become so enraged when people would let the door slam.  He turns to me with a totally serious face and says, "well, you KNOW why they didn't hold the door, don't you?"  I paused with a thoughtful face...."because you're bald?" I asked.  PAUSE  What followed was the longest three seconds of my life.  This guy is thinking, "is this bitch mocking me, or is she really this stupid?"  So I finally smile that smile that says, "lighten up dude, it's all okay".  He smiles back.  Then he says, "you're funny and sweet, but you know how people are".  And I replied, "Yea, I do.  People are both rude and unaware at times."  He nodded. 

As the doors opened at his floor, I said, "Rude and unaware don't know color.  As victims of those behaviors, we're all equal."

And you know, I believe that.  Assholes are assholes, no matter what.  I bet the elevator door slams on me just as many times as on my bald, black (yea, I know that's not the preferred adjective, deal with it) friend.  That's what makes us appreciate the nice people in our lives.

Have you ever observed people in elevators?  There are some very common behaviors that take place, and I submit to you that they are telltale signs of a person's psychological or emotional state.  For example:

The Door Slammer:  That's the guy who, although he sees you running for the elevator, as your coffee bubbles up over the mouth hole of the lid, allows the door to close on you anyway, usually pretending not to see you.

The Polite Door Slammer:  Similar to the Door Slammer above, only the Polite Door Slammer feigns an attempt to hit the "Door Open" button.  Who are we kidding, folks?  He was NEVER going to hold the door for you.

The Position Jockey:  Assuming you get ON the elevator, the Position Jockey plans his strategy long before the door opens.  He inserts himself in perfect position to read the "Captivate" news video, which only appears on one side of the elevator.

Chatty Cathy:  She loves your blouse, she loves your shoes, isn't this weather great, can you believe the Cubs are in first place....you get the idea.  Phew, finally, my floor!

The Avoider:  He's not going to make eye contact, no matter WHAT you do or say.  Even Chatty Cathy can't get him to crack.  He stares at his shoes, his briefcase, his watch, a spot on his tie, you name it.  You could have two heads and the Avoider won't flinch.

So, the next time you're in an elevator, see which of these personalities gets on with you...or slams the door on you!